Growth & Waiting.

As I sit here in one of my favorite places in town ,Lula’s coffee shop, typing this blog post out on a word document because I cant figure out the wifi here I cant ignore the over whelming sense that God’s got me.

[Random Fun fact: I love coffee art ]

This summer for me has been about 2 things, growth and waiting.

Growth in the sense that God is teaching me just how much He is for me. I am relishing in that fact. Growth because learning how to make him a huge part of my life as a young woman has been harder than I thought.  Growth, because you just grow in life from experiences. Growth also because new passions are rising in my heart.

I am waiting. I don’t know for what. I am just waiting. God said "Becky wait" so I am waiting to hear about what I am waiting on. Crazy huh?

"Wait for the Lord; Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord" - Psalm 27:14

I am entering into a new season in my walk with Christ. 

Next Tuesday I am having major back surgery that is going to change my life. Gods been like a comfortable mist around me squashing little fears and anxieties that threaten to creep up. I am having the curve known as Scoliosis in my back corrected on July 15th with a procedure known as Spinal Fusion. It’s a 12-18 month recovery period. For anyone who knows me you know that its going be tough. I am constantly on the go, being physically active, or dancing while I’m waiting for my roommate to get out the shower or for my popcorn to finish popping. I’m pretty independent and stubborn. I like to push my limits to see how far I can go. Id rather try to move a couch by myself just to see if I can do it rather than have some lovely strapping young men help me. Not to diminish who they are and the role men play in the lives of women, but simply to see if I can do it. That’s all about to change. I am going to have to learn how to let people in to help me. I’m going to be weak. I am going to be in more physical pain for a while than I have ever known.

In the words of people who have had this surgery before “The first year is going to suck. I cant sugar coat it for you, but after that first year it will be the best decision you will ever make.”

Through this whole process I have felt peace. Most fears and worries that pop into my head I can quickly discern as lies whispered by the enemy. There is little room for dwelling on such things. Things have clicked into place with little mishap. I feel numb to the anxiety and fear I know is easily trying to consume me. Its as if it can't touch me. 

I’m trying to imagine a life with out my curvy spine. Its been a huge part of me and effected a lot of areas of my life, some for positive reasons and some for negative reasons. I feel it every day now whether its pain, discomfort, or simply just feeling crooked. I’m trying to imagine grabbing whatever dress or shirt I wanted off the rack and knowing that when I try it on I wont have to worry about it showing off the wrong curve. After this first year hopefully I won't feel uncomfortable standing in line at the grocery store or when I am trying my hardest to run straight on a treadmill (its a struggle guys). Maybe ill actually be able to run full 5ks with out pain or discomfort. 

Gods hand through this whole process has been very comforting as it seems that everything has just fallen into place. Prayers and encouragement mean so much. So many people have been willing to donate blood or have offered to come sit with me during recovery.

School this semester seems a little scary. Im wondering if Im going to be able to get to class or make It through my 9 hours of classroom time on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Im wondering how I am going to handle watching my friends go hiking, swing dancing, or really just walk around campus free while I have to take a nap or lay down or just sit there. I am going to have to learn to say no. Seems like silly fears with a God so big. Hes gona take care of it.

Im finding most people do not know much about this surgery and how major it is. Nor do they know about the extensive recovery period full of limitations. But hey im glad they don’t have to go through it.

I am really excited about this year in another sense. I feel like God has a lot of really sweet things planned out for me and a lot of sweet things planned out for others. This summer has been really rejuvenating as I have "caught up on sleep" and had a nice break from the stresses of college. Its nice to be home with people who know me well. Although I do miss winthrop terribly. Maybe for the first time in my life I wont be over busy at school this year. That would be a miracle.

As I enter into this new season of life both physically and spiritually I enter into peace. God is for me. 

Life has a lot of awesome things in store for this year and I couldn’t be more excited to be on this journey. With pain there is growth and with growth comes wisdom. Bring it on life.

[I am working on trying to figure out how to blog my spinal fusion story to help those who go through similar situations. Stay tuned for that one.]