Chromatic Grays || Wrestling with Faith

I don't like gray areas and I don't like uncertainty.

I am a black and white kind of girl. I like to know what I think is right. That I'm not "doing it wrong". I like control and safety. I like security that my box is right and I am in the safety of it. 

I'm finding the more immersed I get into my four year college degree the more immersed I get into the chromatic grays of life and I have to chose which shades I'm going to paint on my canvas.

And that terrifies me.

There are different views on modesty, homosexuality, sexuality in general, marriage, dating relationships, paths to take for jobs, what degrees are acceptable, there are different views on how the bible is interpreted, what is acceptable (tattoos and piercings, other exotic forms of dressing the body). There are different views of the human body and how it should be regarded. There is controversy and really no specific cut dry verse In the bible to clarify or deem this as right or wrong. Laws are changing to make things that were once not acceptable acceptable and obviously people had a good case right or the law wouldn't have changed?... Right?

At the end of the day does that all really matter if we are looking to the cross and the very simplicity the gospel offers us?
Life is confusing. People are confusing. And sometimes my interpretation of God is confusing.

As I navigate this broken world searching for what's right I am often left discouraged, because I am walking among the gray looking for a true black or the purest of white. I am looking for someone to tell me the right answer of deeper issues and everyone's right answer is a little different.

It raises questions about my faith and I run with these questions to find the answers.

The only place I can find these answers is in Scripture.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. - Ephesians 6:12-15

I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. - Psalm 199:9

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. - Colossians 3:16 

So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ - Romans 10:7

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. - Psalm 119:105 

You see I might never get my black and white answers. There may be something I wrestle for conviction with for the rest of my life. But it's in the wrestling and chromatic grays that Jesus' grace is most abundant. It is in those moments I can stand firm.

Actually Jesus is calling me to step into the gray with faith. It is in this point that I am lead by faith and conviction. It is where his voice must be the loudest. It is in the wrestling with other broken opinionated people that I learn grace, love, joy, kindness, patience, and goodness. (Galatians 5:17)

One of my favorite memories from my childhood that paints a beautiful picture for me of Gods love for me is of when I was like 5 or 6. I was young and small. Most years of my childhood one night a year my father and I attended the local father daughter dance at our YMCA.That night once a year I got to wear my moms makeup and a necklace or bracelet of hers. I felt like a million bucks, because when you are 5 a little blush, mascara, and lipstick can make you feel so grown. I was probably 3ft tall at that time and my dad used to pick me up and put my feet on his feet and we would dance. He led and I did none of the work. I just had to hold on and look up at him smiling. 

I imagine Christs love for me like that. I don't have to navigate the uncertainties alone. I just have to chose to step up on his feet and hold on and trust that he will navigate me through each step. I just get to smile and enjoy the ride. I get to dress up in garnets that he provides for me that I haven't earned and trust that in my young state he is looking at me with love eager to dance with me.
The grays give us tension to grow, to communicate, and to wrestling together. They give us vision for seeking truth.

They remind me that I was not made for this world. That my image was designed for more than this. They remind me that I am broken and my dependence on my savior is of utmost importance.

I am having to learn to embrace uncertainty. I am having to learn to be confident in how faithful Christ has been to me. I am having to learn how to rest, to truly rest, in what he has created me to be. I am so excited to start owning this. To see where my convictions take me.