Attention : This blog post contains real pictures of a real back pre and post surgery. It also contains a few pictures in the Hospital.
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| Last Selfie with Scoliosis! [Pre Op] || July 15th,2014 |
A year ago today, I woke up at 5:30 in the morning, put on my brothers "Turn Down For What" tank top, and hopped in the car to head to McLeod Hospital for surgery. I had some idea of the adventure I was about to be on, but I had no idea of the story God was about to unfold in my life, a story that is still currently unfolding.
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| After surgery. |
I am forever grateful for the support that has been extended to me this year from friends, family, doctors, and my brothers and sisters in christ.
This year has been quite the year.
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| This picture shows my 5 missing ribs that were used for surgery. They have since grown back I am proud to say. |
Soreness, stiffness, exhaustion, tears... Tingles and pinches.
Perfect Posture.
365 days with "The Rods".
A year full of pain, beauty, learning, growth, laughter, new experiences, and Jesus.. so much Jesus.
I remember thinking, waking up from surgery that day, that if I made it to July 15th, 2015... if I could just make it to my 12 month recovery mark.. life would resume to be normal and I would be unstoppable.
Here I am.
I remember that week in the hospital.. the nurses I liked... the nurses I wasn't to fond of. I still remember the feeling of being utterly helpless... a physical helplessness that Ive never known until fusion. I remember the first night out of surgery when my night nurse gave me my pain meds late. I remember the pure joy that filled my chest when my button for pain meds lit up bright green. I remember the first time I sat up and walked 5 steps to the chair to sit up.. I cried the whole time and asked the nurse when I could lay back down. I remember crying to my doctor because my blood levels were dropping dangerously low and I wasn't getting a transfusion. I remember being ready to leave the hospital but being scared because I was still so fragile. There was the first night at home and all the adjustments to that. I watched so many episodes of 19 Kids and counting and Full House. I remember the first real shower... that took 2 weeks to get to. (Probably TMI but fusion isn't as glamorous as it looks people.). I remember waking up in the middle of the night in so much pain but so far away from my next dose of medication. Kari Jobe got me through those moments. I remember relearning the little things... like putting shoes on, putting a shirt over my head, putting on pants without having to sit down, bring able to curl my hair the first time, etc... those were huge things to accomplish a year ago. I remember the exact path I walked laps around my house in to build up strength. I remember that I couldn't even pick up my laptop. Then there was the first time I went to church. The smile on peoples faces and gentle hugs. I remember all the support... the text messages. I remember being scared of my first appointment post op. Wondering if I could go back to school. Then there was move in day. That was exhausting. I remember the first night at school after my parents left. The fear that I wouldn't be able to make it by myself. I remember the first day of classes. I had only gotten through my first class. I made it back to my room (my roommate was gone) and let a few exhausted, in pain, and feeling hopeless tears escape as I contemplated giving up and calling my mom to tell her to come get me. I remember my friend Rachel looking me in the face that day at lunch and telling me I could do it and if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have made it through the semester.
I remember peace... so much peace among the fear.
Then there was the day I fell. That was scary. There was the day I went to a Clemson football game and survived the hill with one casualty that involved a college boy running into me. There was the time I went to an RUF overnight the 2nd or 3rd weekend of school and that took a lot out of me.
I remember the first time I tried on a bathing suit post op and cried... a lot.
And, the first time I went dress shopping tried on almost every dress in the store.
I remember the first time swimming post op. Swimming has been the only time I feel like I have never had surgery.. even to this day.
I remember carrying a pillow to class.. and the cart. There were weird looks, jokes made, and a few ignorant people who picked on me. NOTHING CAN STOP ME, MY BATMAN PILLOW, AND MY CART. You just stay out of my way.
I took the cart down the middle of Oakland Ave. because I couldn't find a ramp near me. I OWNED IT.
Then there was the first time I laid on my stomach and I didn't like it, but I got used to it and sleeping became so much more comfortable after that.
I slowly watched the number of pillows in my bed decrease as the year went on.
Then there was the first time I went bowling and used the kid ramp.
The first time I stepped back into the gym with my 2 pound weights and had every guy in the Gym looking at me funny. JOKES ON YOU FELLAS because none of them knew the battle I was going through.
I can remember wrestling with disability at school to get the accommodations I needed.
I remember the first time I ran post op.. the first time I jumped... the first time I picked something up heavier than a milk jug...
The first time I danced post op. I mean really danced for 3 hours.
Then there was the day I realized I could still move my hips and do basic yoga. I might have cried a bit over that too.
So many clothes were purchased this year that had scar accessibility.
I met a girl who had the same surgery as me 8 years ago. Fusion buddies!
I remember struggling trying to explain to people what I was going through internally and externally. Apparently I looked pretty normal on the outside and like I had it together.
I remember having to get used to chairs and car seats. Most of them are still pretty uncomfortable to this day.
I hope I never get used to seeing myself in the mirror or in a picture so straight and don't think its beautiful. I hope I never get used to just pulling a dress off of a rack at a store and trying it on without remembering how painful things like that used to be emotionally for me. I hope I never forget just how much Jesus poured his love over me during this season. I hope I never forget the feeling I had when I looked at my scar for the first time. It was love at first sight. I hope I never get used to how comfortable I feel. I hope I never get used to the things that are easier for me now. Because all of it reminds me of this incredible journey I have been on. It reminds me of how magnificent God is. It reminds me that I have overcome something that few will ever experience. I hope I never forget how tough this journey has been or how much stronger I am now that I am on the other side of it.
I hope I never forget how beautiful it is to watch your body grow back together and grow in strength in 365 days.
My scar is one of my favorite things about me now. It tells a story of pain, beauty, and strength. Its the remains of a insecurity that no longer exist. It is the remains of a medical condition that will never get worse, that will never effect what I wear, how walk, or how I breath. It is the reason why one day if I ever have kids I will not have a lopsided pregnant belly and my baby will have plenty of room to grow. It is the reason I will never have to feel a rib touch my lung. Behind that scar is two titanium rods, 13 screws, 2 hooks, and 5 new ribs. There are 15 vertebra fused into 1 solid bone.
These rods helped me obtain a stature of a whole 5 feet and 3 inches... not quite average height, but I've never liked being average.
I have been cleared. Cleared to run and cleared to carry a book bag. Now its my good judgement. I will still say No to things. I am still weak, but I am so much stronger than I was.
I am not the same girl who perceives life through the same eyes that woke up that early morning of July 15th, 2014.
I am pain free.
I am fused.
Spinal Fusion is one of the craziest things I have ever been apart of.
Updates on the Rods.
A year full of pain, beauty, learning, growth, laughter, new experiences, and Jesus.. so much Jesus.
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| 14 1/2 Inches |
I remember thinking, waking up from surgery that day, that if I made it to July 15th, 2015... if I could just make it to my 12 month recovery mark.. life would resume to be normal and I would be unstoppable.
Here I am.
Hello, July 15th of 2015
I remember that week in the hospital.. the nurses I liked... the nurses I wasn't to fond of. I still remember the feeling of being utterly helpless... a physical helplessness that Ive never known until fusion. I remember the first night out of surgery when my night nurse gave me my pain meds late. I remember the pure joy that filled my chest when my button for pain meds lit up bright green. I remember the first time I sat up and walked 5 steps to the chair to sit up.. I cried the whole time and asked the nurse when I could lay back down. I remember crying to my doctor because my blood levels were dropping dangerously low and I wasn't getting a transfusion. I remember being ready to leave the hospital but being scared because I was still so fragile. There was the first night at home and all the adjustments to that. I watched so many episodes of 19 Kids and counting and Full House. I remember the first real shower... that took 2 weeks to get to. (Probably TMI but fusion isn't as glamorous as it looks people.). I remember waking up in the middle of the night in so much pain but so far away from my next dose of medication. Kari Jobe got me through those moments. I remember relearning the little things... like putting shoes on, putting a shirt over my head, putting on pants without having to sit down, bring able to curl my hair the first time, etc... those were huge things to accomplish a year ago. I remember the exact path I walked laps around my house in to build up strength. I remember that I couldn't even pick up my laptop. Then there was the first time I went to church. The smile on peoples faces and gentle hugs. I remember all the support... the text messages. I remember being scared of my first appointment post op. Wondering if I could go back to school. Then there was move in day. That was exhausting. I remember the first night at school after my parents left. The fear that I wouldn't be able to make it by myself. I remember the first day of classes. I had only gotten through my first class. I made it back to my room (my roommate was gone) and let a few exhausted, in pain, and feeling hopeless tears escape as I contemplated giving up and calling my mom to tell her to come get me. I remember my friend Rachel looking me in the face that day at lunch and telling me I could do it and if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have made it through the semester.
I remember peace... so much peace among the fear.
Then there was the day I fell. That was scary. There was the day I went to a Clemson football game and survived the hill with one casualty that involved a college boy running into me. There was the time I went to an RUF overnight the 2nd or 3rd weekend of school and that took a lot out of me.
I remember the first time I tried on a bathing suit post op and cried... a lot.
And, the first time I went dress shopping tried on almost every dress in the store.
I remember the first time swimming post op. Swimming has been the only time I feel like I have never had surgery.. even to this day.
I remember carrying a pillow to class.. and the cart. There were weird looks, jokes made, and a few ignorant people who picked on me. NOTHING CAN STOP ME, MY BATMAN PILLOW, AND MY CART. You just stay out of my way.
I took the cart down the middle of Oakland Ave. because I couldn't find a ramp near me. I OWNED IT.
Then there was the first time I laid on my stomach and I didn't like it, but I got used to it and sleeping became so much more comfortable after that.
I slowly watched the number of pillows in my bed decrease as the year went on.
Then there was the first time I went bowling and used the kid ramp.
The first time I stepped back into the gym with my 2 pound weights and had every guy in the Gym looking at me funny. JOKES ON YOU FELLAS because none of them knew the battle I was going through.
I can remember wrestling with disability at school to get the accommodations I needed.
I remember the first time I ran post op.. the first time I jumped... the first time I picked something up heavier than a milk jug...
The first time I danced post op. I mean really danced for 3 hours.
Then there was the day I realized I could still move my hips and do basic yoga. I might have cried a bit over that too.
So many clothes were purchased this year that had scar accessibility.
I met a girl who had the same surgery as me 8 years ago. Fusion buddies!
I remember struggling trying to explain to people what I was going through internally and externally. Apparently I looked pretty normal on the outside and like I had it together.
I remember having to get used to chairs and car seats. Most of them are still pretty uncomfortable to this day.
I hope I never get used to seeing myself in the mirror or in a picture so straight and don't think its beautiful. I hope I never get used to just pulling a dress off of a rack at a store and trying it on without remembering how painful things like that used to be emotionally for me. I hope I never forget just how much Jesus poured his love over me during this season. I hope I never forget the feeling I had when I looked at my scar for the first time. It was love at first sight. I hope I never get used to how comfortable I feel. I hope I never get used to the things that are easier for me now. Because all of it reminds me of this incredible journey I have been on. It reminds me of how magnificent God is. It reminds me that I have overcome something that few will ever experience. I hope I never forget how tough this journey has been or how much stronger I am now that I am on the other side of it.
I hope I never forget how beautiful it is to watch your body grow back together and grow in strength in 365 days.
My scar is one of my favorite things about me now. It tells a story of pain, beauty, and strength. Its the remains of a insecurity that no longer exist. It is the remains of a medical condition that will never get worse, that will never effect what I wear, how walk, or how I breath. It is the reason why one day if I ever have kids I will not have a lopsided pregnant belly and my baby will have plenty of room to grow. It is the reason I will never have to feel a rib touch my lung. Behind that scar is two titanium rods, 13 screws, 2 hooks, and 5 new ribs. There are 15 vertebra fused into 1 solid bone.
These rods helped me obtain a stature of a whole 5 feet and 3 inches... not quite average height, but I've never liked being average.
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| There is nothing special about this photo except for the fact that when I pressed that little green button twice the word pain was not in my vocabulary anymore. |
I have been cleared. Cleared to run and cleared to carry a book bag. Now its my good judgement. I will still say No to things. I am still weak, but I am so much stronger than I was.
I am not the same girl who perceives life through the same eyes that woke up that early morning of July 15th, 2014.
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| 1st time walking 3 days after surgery. My blood levels were really low and I was struggling but I did it. |
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| Left - A week Before Surgery Right - 3 Weeks after surgery. |
I am pain free.
I am fused.
Spinal Fusion is one of the craziest things I have ever been apart of.
Updates on the Rods.
- They did NOT set off plane security going to Guatemala or coming from there.
- I no longer notice that I sit up straight abnormally. It just feels normal to me.
- Being hit, poked, or jabbed still isn't fun and probably will never be fun when you can't bend to absorb the impact.
For the first time through this journey someone asked me a few weeks ago if I got tired of/hated sitting up straight all the time.
My honest answer... is yes, sometimes it annoys me and sometimes I crave to slouch a bit to relieve tension in my shoulders. Most of the time though its pretty cool.
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| 3 weeks after surgery. My first time out of the house for church. I lost so much weight in those 3 weeks. |
As I think back to a year ago I remember a sweet time. I remember peace and confidence through this journey.
Knowing what I know now, would I go through this again?
Yes. I would redo this year again in a heart beat. Spinal Fusion is hard. I wouldn't wish for anyone to have to go through it. I hate that it is the last resort for scoliosis patients. However, I am so grateful for it too. Because of this surgery my quality of life will be so much better with age. This surgery has taught me life lessons. It has brought me confidence. It has tuned my heart with more compassion and understanding. Everyone goes through battles in life. A lot of people have medical conditions that are hard... that are scary... that hurt... that sometimes cause emotional pain. If you have never had one, or been in that situation it is so easy to take the facts into play and forget about the emotional hardship they can have. There have been many times this year I responded with "I am doing good.. or the back feels great" and while they were honest answers I still had my internal struggles with recovery.
People still look at me crazy when I say I'm in recovery. People still look at me funny when I get excited about doing "first" with the rods. People think I am afraid when I say I'm not ready to do things because of my back surgery still.
Truth is I am just beginning to experience life with these babies because I have been cleared to start trying things again. I still have a few first to get through. Truth is I am still really weak and physical activity can take a lot out of me depending on the situation. Truth is I don't like to do somethings I used to simply because it feels different and weird and I can do with out it.
I have also learned to be more confident in saying No. Because I have had to say it a lot this year.
Advice to those who are facing Spinal Fusion in the future?
If you are faced with the decision of spinal fusion (for the correction of scoliosis) I would wait as long as your doctor recommends to have it. <- (Advice #1) Why?... I walked into my doctors office as a junior in high school with a severe insecurity about my curvy spine. I had looked up the treatment options and decided that I thought the surgery (In my mind that I planned for the summer between my junior and senior year) would be the perfect fix. I walked out of that doctors office in tears because he basically told me that my curve was bad enough that it was going to get worse... but that it wasn't too severe that he would feel comfortable doing a surgery with as many risk as spinal fusion on me at that time.
I was so mad and upset that day. I wanted a fix to my spine so that I could feel better about it. Instead looking back post op I am so glad he didn't do the surgery then. I would have missed out on so much my senior year of high school trying to recover from this surgery. I wouldn't be able to appreciate how good I feel physically in my body post op had I gone under the knife early. It wasn't easy to slowly watch my spine get worse in person and on an X-ray. It wasn't easy to struggle with hating my body in a bathing suit and hoping the boy I danced with at the prom didn't notice my uneven hips. It wasn't easy to watch difficulty seep its way into my spine as my curve got worse. But, because I waited until it medically got to the point of needing correction I appreciate my straight spine for so much more than just cosmetic reasons.
Because he said no that gave me time to research. Which is advice #2. RESEARCH THE SURGERY. I have talked to so many people who have walked into the OR with out an adequate knowledge of what this surgery is about. Know the facts. Know the recovery time line. I was googling this surgery for 2 years before I had it. I read success stories... I read stories that weren't so glamorous. I knew the risk before my doctor ever told me them. I know sometimes we give advice to people about googling medical issues because they can just freak you out. I think that is a valid statement. However, In my case... knowing what I was getting myself into fully equipped me to have the BEST recovery I could imagine. Not only did I do my own research but I talked to people who have walked through this surgery. I also asked my doctors about the facts I read and asked his opinion if he thought (knowing my spine, knowing the nature of surgery, knowing other patients he has worked on) it would be a risk I would face.
Every check up appointment this year I was in his office asking questions... Like Can I do this? Well why not?... If I were to do this how would it impact my spine? I won't see you for 3 months I know XYZ is a No for right here and now but if XYZ happened in 2 months could I do it then.. or should we re-evaluate that in 3 more months? This was not to be annoying. I asked these questions because with the nature of this surgery if you over do it physically IT HURTS FOR DAYS. Also once you've been under the knife the 1st time you really don't want to have to go under again if you can help it. I asked that question because 50% of the battle of this surgery is the weakness that comes from a year of no physical activity. I was doing as much as my doctor recommended and while I am still incredibly weak right now I am not as weak as I could be. I asked about every pain or feeling that I thought was abnormal.
Advice #3. Educate your friends/family that will be around you and caring for you. Jesslyn Ham has been getting the spinal fusion speech for the last 4 years. Rachel started getting it freshman year at school. If I looked up some random fact about surgery or a story that had something worth mentioning I told them. I told them my fears... or how I thought I might respond to each stage of recovery. I told them the risk. They needed to be prepared for that too. I told them what the doctor had cleared me to do and they kept me accountable. They pushed me to do things too when I didn't want to because they knew it would be good for me in the long run.
Advice #4 Pray. Okay I know for some people this might be a cliche statement. I have never seen Gods hand more evident over my life than with this surgery. (Thats not to say he hasn't always been there... because he has) Prayer got me through a lot more than my doctors or my knowledge ever did.
Advice #5 Set goals, determined, and celebrate the small stuff. I had my surgery 6 weeks before I was supposed to return for my sophomore year at college. 6 weeks was the minimum amount of time the doctors waited to release patients to go back to school (with strict limitations). Those 6 weeks I had a goal. My goal? Make it back to college. I walked laps in my house those six weeks. I sat up and would watch episodes on TV for endurance and to build muscle up for basic things like sitting up and walking.
That was the big goal. I had little goals at first to get to the big goal. Goals like, be able to walk 2 laps around my neighborhood. Be able to shower. Find a creative way to shave my legs. Figure out how to put on pants and a shirt. Those things seem silly but they are actually VERY hard after this surgery. Every goal I accomplished my friends celebrated with me. I remember texting Jesslyn in all caps I JUST FIGURED OUT HOW TO SHAVE MY LEGS POST OP. We celebrated that.
3 weeks after having my surgery I went to church for the first time post op. I was exhausted afterwards. I came home took my pain meds and slept for 3 hours. It took a lot out of me at the time, but I did it anyways because the next week I was up singing with the praise team. I still slept after that service too but you see how progress was made? Now if you are not out of the house 3 weeks after having this surgery that is OKAY. Everyones body responds differently to this surgery. I have a high pain tolerance and I laugh at pain too. I am weird. Those two things enabled me to push through and do more things. If you can't thats OKAY. Trust me. I know the pain, the struggle, the difficulty. Just do what you can do.
Advice #6 Don't compare your recovery to other peoples recovery. This one is hard. I have been very fortunate to experience my recovery as easily as I have. I know the facts of this surgery (remember all the research I was talking about?) I know that I made spinal fusion look like a piece of cake. I know this surgery is hard. I know some people take more than a year to recover. I know some people struggle with pain or nerve damage or what ever it is way more than I did/do.
Twitter has a unique family of scoliosis survivors and spinal fusion patients. I had to stop following a lot of them because they would appear to handle a step in recovery better than me or I would feel guilty that I was doing so well and they were struggling. Everybody's body is different. Every curve of scoliosis is unique. Everyone handles pain different. Everyone handles emotions different. So naturally recovery for every patient is going to look slightly different. Keep on keeping on through your own recovery. Know that you are not alone in the struggle even if yours seems worse or different.
Thats all I can think about right now.
What does life with the rods look like for you this year?
As of right now my only limitation is my good judgment. Because I am so out of shape some activities that I could do in theory I am holding off of to build up some more strength... for now. I should not do high impact activities such as tackle football (sorry boys... looks like you'll have to do with out me.) Other than that I am a free woman and plan to get back into the swing of things. :D
I would love to use my story to help other person out facing this surgery. If you or someone you know is facing Spinal Fusion/ had a spinal fusion please feel free to contact me. Id love to hear your story and walk with you on your Fusion Journey.
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| July 2015. |
Knowing what I know now, would I go through this again?
Yes. I would redo this year again in a heart beat. Spinal Fusion is hard. I wouldn't wish for anyone to have to go through it. I hate that it is the last resort for scoliosis patients. However, I am so grateful for it too. Because of this surgery my quality of life will be so much better with age. This surgery has taught me life lessons. It has brought me confidence. It has tuned my heart with more compassion and understanding. Everyone goes through battles in life. A lot of people have medical conditions that are hard... that are scary... that hurt... that sometimes cause emotional pain. If you have never had one, or been in that situation it is so easy to take the facts into play and forget about the emotional hardship they can have. There have been many times this year I responded with "I am doing good.. or the back feels great" and while they were honest answers I still had my internal struggles with recovery.
People still look at me crazy when I say I'm in recovery. People still look at me funny when I get excited about doing "first" with the rods. People think I am afraid when I say I'm not ready to do things because of my back surgery still.
Truth is I am just beginning to experience life with these babies because I have been cleared to start trying things again. I still have a few first to get through. Truth is I am still really weak and physical activity can take a lot out of me depending on the situation. Truth is I don't like to do somethings I used to simply because it feels different and weird and I can do with out it.
I have also learned to be more confident in saying No. Because I have had to say it a lot this year.
Advice to those who are facing Spinal Fusion in the future?
If you are faced with the decision of spinal fusion (for the correction of scoliosis) I would wait as long as your doctor recommends to have it. <- (Advice #1) Why?... I walked into my doctors office as a junior in high school with a severe insecurity about my curvy spine. I had looked up the treatment options and decided that I thought the surgery (In my mind that I planned for the summer between my junior and senior year) would be the perfect fix. I walked out of that doctors office in tears because he basically told me that my curve was bad enough that it was going to get worse... but that it wasn't too severe that he would feel comfortable doing a surgery with as many risk as spinal fusion on me at that time.
I was so mad and upset that day. I wanted a fix to my spine so that I could feel better about it. Instead looking back post op I am so glad he didn't do the surgery then. I would have missed out on so much my senior year of high school trying to recover from this surgery. I wouldn't be able to appreciate how good I feel physically in my body post op had I gone under the knife early. It wasn't easy to slowly watch my spine get worse in person and on an X-ray. It wasn't easy to struggle with hating my body in a bathing suit and hoping the boy I danced with at the prom didn't notice my uneven hips. It wasn't easy to watch difficulty seep its way into my spine as my curve got worse. But, because I waited until it medically got to the point of needing correction I appreciate my straight spine for so much more than just cosmetic reasons.
Because he said no that gave me time to research. Which is advice #2. RESEARCH THE SURGERY. I have talked to so many people who have walked into the OR with out an adequate knowledge of what this surgery is about. Know the facts. Know the recovery time line. I was googling this surgery for 2 years before I had it. I read success stories... I read stories that weren't so glamorous. I knew the risk before my doctor ever told me them. I know sometimes we give advice to people about googling medical issues because they can just freak you out. I think that is a valid statement. However, In my case... knowing what I was getting myself into fully equipped me to have the BEST recovery I could imagine. Not only did I do my own research but I talked to people who have walked through this surgery. I also asked my doctors about the facts I read and asked his opinion if he thought (knowing my spine, knowing the nature of surgery, knowing other patients he has worked on) it would be a risk I would face.
- Talk to your doctor
- Talk to several people who have had the surgery/cared for someone who had the surgery
- Research the facts and talk to your doctor about them.
Every check up appointment this year I was in his office asking questions... Like Can I do this? Well why not?... If I were to do this how would it impact my spine? I won't see you for 3 months I know XYZ is a No for right here and now but if XYZ happened in 2 months could I do it then.. or should we re-evaluate that in 3 more months? This was not to be annoying. I asked these questions because with the nature of this surgery if you over do it physically IT HURTS FOR DAYS. Also once you've been under the knife the 1st time you really don't want to have to go under again if you can help it. I asked that question because 50% of the battle of this surgery is the weakness that comes from a year of no physical activity. I was doing as much as my doctor recommended and while I am still incredibly weak right now I am not as weak as I could be. I asked about every pain or feeling that I thought was abnormal.
Advice #3. Educate your friends/family that will be around you and caring for you. Jesslyn Ham has been getting the spinal fusion speech for the last 4 years. Rachel started getting it freshman year at school. If I looked up some random fact about surgery or a story that had something worth mentioning I told them. I told them my fears... or how I thought I might respond to each stage of recovery. I told them the risk. They needed to be prepared for that too. I told them what the doctor had cleared me to do and they kept me accountable. They pushed me to do things too when I didn't want to because they knew it would be good for me in the long run.
Advice #4 Pray. Okay I know for some people this might be a cliche statement. I have never seen Gods hand more evident over my life than with this surgery. (Thats not to say he hasn't always been there... because he has) Prayer got me through a lot more than my doctors or my knowledge ever did.
Advice #5 Set goals, determined, and celebrate the small stuff. I had my surgery 6 weeks before I was supposed to return for my sophomore year at college. 6 weeks was the minimum amount of time the doctors waited to release patients to go back to school (with strict limitations). Those 6 weeks I had a goal. My goal? Make it back to college. I walked laps in my house those six weeks. I sat up and would watch episodes on TV for endurance and to build muscle up for basic things like sitting up and walking.
That was the big goal. I had little goals at first to get to the big goal. Goals like, be able to walk 2 laps around my neighborhood. Be able to shower. Find a creative way to shave my legs. Figure out how to put on pants and a shirt. Those things seem silly but they are actually VERY hard after this surgery. Every goal I accomplished my friends celebrated with me. I remember texting Jesslyn in all caps I JUST FIGURED OUT HOW TO SHAVE MY LEGS POST OP. We celebrated that.
3 weeks after having my surgery I went to church for the first time post op. I was exhausted afterwards. I came home took my pain meds and slept for 3 hours. It took a lot out of me at the time, but I did it anyways because the next week I was up singing with the praise team. I still slept after that service too but you see how progress was made? Now if you are not out of the house 3 weeks after having this surgery that is OKAY. Everyones body responds differently to this surgery. I have a high pain tolerance and I laugh at pain too. I am weird. Those two things enabled me to push through and do more things. If you can't thats OKAY. Trust me. I know the pain, the struggle, the difficulty. Just do what you can do.
Advice #6 Don't compare your recovery to other peoples recovery. This one is hard. I have been very fortunate to experience my recovery as easily as I have. I know the facts of this surgery (remember all the research I was talking about?) I know that I made spinal fusion look like a piece of cake. I know this surgery is hard. I know some people take more than a year to recover. I know some people struggle with pain or nerve damage or what ever it is way more than I did/do.
Twitter has a unique family of scoliosis survivors and spinal fusion patients. I had to stop following a lot of them because they would appear to handle a step in recovery better than me or I would feel guilty that I was doing so well and they were struggling. Everybody's body is different. Every curve of scoliosis is unique. Everyone handles pain different. Everyone handles emotions different. So naturally recovery for every patient is going to look slightly different. Keep on keeping on through your own recovery. Know that you are not alone in the struggle even if yours seems worse or different.
Thats all I can think about right now.
What does life with the rods look like for you this year?
As of right now my only limitation is my good judgment. Because I am so out of shape some activities that I could do in theory I am holding off of to build up some more strength... for now. I should not do high impact activities such as tackle football (sorry boys... looks like you'll have to do with out me.) Other than that I am a free woman and plan to get back into the swing of things. :D
I would love to use my story to help other person out facing this surgery. If you or someone you know is facing Spinal Fusion/ had a spinal fusion please feel free to contact me. Id love to hear your story and walk with you on your Fusion Journey.
You can check out the rest of my story here.
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